So I finally had my first date in four years last weekend. So how did it go, you ask? Think Titanic , The Poseidon Adventure, The Towering Inferno (hint-these are all DISASTER movies)! Yeah, not so great! First he’s twenty minutes late (caught in freeway traffic–truth or lie?) and I’m thinking: “I’ve been stood up and he doesn’t even know what I look like!” Not the best of starts. But it gives me time to down a margarita for courage.

I do wonder why guys that are younger than me look older but everyone says I don’t look my age. I don’t want to base my impressions on looks because I want someone who is more than a “pretty face”. I’m looking for a sense of humor that can match mine (That’s really hard to find!!!!), a good heart, honesty, kindness. (Sounds like every personal ad online, doesn’t it.) O.K. I admit that great SEX does factor in there somewhere!!!!! (Homo horde, cover your eyes for that. I know that is just too much info for you about your MOM!!!)

We are both nervous, not sure what to talk about or where our boundaries should be but we manage to get through dinner without either of us running screaming from the building. We talk about “safe” topics, our work, families, hobbies and I’m thinking, “It’s so much easier to just stay home with the dogs; lonely but easy.” It always feels like you are playing truth or dare with someone new. It is REALLY HARD to get to know someone new!!! Remember how easy it is to be with someone you have known for years? THIS IS NOTHING LIKE THAT!!!!!

We take a drive in the moonlight and talk and I’m thinking, “How much of this can I really believe?” without being gullible. I really want to be fair but I don’t want to be DUMB!! But he sounds like he is a nice guy and that counts with me. He actually opens the door for you! That’s different!

Maybe the problem is at my age when you start dating again; you have way too much PAST to haunt you. (Remember, I don’t pick men well–see Romance and Trash Cans). So I guess I tend to look for something wrong with every guy I meet (the proverbial other shoe dropping so to speak). Maybe I spend so much time analyzing every word trying to figure out what is the truth and what is the lie, trying to figure out the angle (what does he really want) that I don’t give a guy a chance. (Mind you when he is trying to reach your tonsils with his tongue; it’s pretty obvious what his angle is.)

But for a moment in time, I felt attractive, desirable, valuable and it’s been a long time since I felt that. That can’t be a bad thing can it? Will there be more dates? Probably, maybe with him; maybe with someone else but I know that after four years of staying in isolation, I’m ready to get out there and live the rest of my life! Hopefully it will get easier and more comfortable. I hope I can stop analyzing so much and just enjoy the company!!! Life’s too short to spend it alone!!!!

I guess you should know that when it comes to picking men, I SUCK!!! Don’t get me wrong, I would love to find a guy to spend some time with but I’m not sure I have the energy for the whole dating scene anymore. First there’s the problem-Where do you meet new guys?? I go to work and then come home. At work the only guy in the place is the CEO and at home the only “guy” is Wishbone!! I don’t hang out in bars and I’m not sure I would find much there anyway. When you go to a new church, it seems that the only single men are either in their twenties or have one foot in the grave.

If you finally do meet a guy with potential, then comes the part where you have to work to get to know him. You know; you try to look good to him while he is busy trying to look good to you!! And you both are trying to figure out which parts are the lies!! (Bitter; party of one)! O.K. maybe my past experiences are clouding my judgment a bit!

But I have spent way too much time trying to please men in my life. Start with husband number one! He was (and I mean this in a NICE way) a total control freak!! At sixteen that wasn’t so bad but when he decided to start a business where he was always gone; it just wasn’t working anymore! I was a stay at home wife and mother and that was fine until the kids grew up. But then I was alone at home without a “purpose” in life. I decided to go back to school and that’s when the shit hit the fan so to speak! Mr. Control Freak was not happy with that (or my “rebellion” I got a second hole pierced in my ears! Obviously grounds for divorce!!!) So hasta la vista baby!!

Enter husband number two (Remember!! Repeat after me!! NEVER MARRY YOUR REBOUND GUY!!!!!) He was totally different than my first husband except for one small thing. ANOTHER TOTAL CONTROL FREAK!!!!!! (Tragic foreshadowing!!!)His biggest problem was that he was the kind of guy that is sure that if he settles down with you, something better is going to come along and he might miss out on the woman of his dreams!! To him I was the consolation prize!! Not a good place to be. He wasn’t really willing to put any effort into the relationship (he’d rather be fishing or watching basketball) and I was exhausted trying to do everything myself! So enter divorce number two!! (One more strike and I’m out!!!)

So I start dating an old friend I used to work with. Twelve years younger than me! Seems like a nice guy! He’s Mr. practical as in “so tight he squeaks”!! By the third date he’s telling me how he can’t afford to take me out every week!! So do I say “screw you” and walk out! NO!!! I start to cook for him and do his laundry etc. (HELP DR PHIL!!!!!). All I really want is a little ROMANCE in my life! HA!! I was already hooked on the fatal flaw most women fall for at least once (MY LOVE CAN CHANGE HIM!!) If you are in a relationship where you are thinking this—RUN!! Christmas comes around and what do you think Mr. Romance gets for me. Brace yourself for this one! A trash can for the kitchen and it isn’t even the right color for my kitchen decor (Remember when they shop for you at Big Lots or the Dollar Store; you take what is a closeout color!) That’s not all I got. He also brought me five pounds of pinto beans! Yes! He is quite a catch!!!

So after dating him for two years, fortunately we have a fight!! I ask him where he sees our relationship going and his answer is, “Why are you putting me on the spot like that??” Easy choice to move on finally!! Now we are both OFF the spot!

Where does a woman find a man with a little romance in his soul? After all, I’m not dead yet! My family hasn’t come up with any, my homo horde has not come up with any, my friends are in the same boat as I am (looking for Mr. Right; finding Mr. All That’s Left!!). I’m beginning to think that men who know how to treat a lady are extinct (or like Big Foot and the Loch Ness Monster, no one has been able to prove they really exist!!) But I keep hoping that somewhere out there is my Mister Right. I just hope I find him before I’m too old to see what he looks like!!!

I discovered a frightening truth last week when I sat down to blog. I’m not just OCD; I’m also a little (o.k. more than a little!) ADD!! I didn’t realize that the two went together. I think this discovery could be a scientific breakthrough! I may have to become a psychologist to understand myself (or call Dr. Phil!)

So I sit down at the computer and start to blog and I’m thinking, “I probably should read my email first.” So I get out of the blog and go to Outlook and start to read my email. I’m reading my email and realize that I have a lot of old emails that I was saving to read recipes and etc at a later date. I think I should really go through those old emails and copy what I want to keep and delete the rest. And I realize that I am doing the same thing I do in my house. I”m FOREVER SORTING STUFF!!!!!

This happens to me all the time. I start a simple project and my mind wanders off in ten directions. Here’s an example. I decided to change the curtains in the back office. I had some hunter green swags that Shelley (my niece) had in the garage sale. I thought they would be good back in the office and would let in more light. So I take down the old curtains and put them up. Simple, project done right? OH NO! Then I remember that I have some green paint in the basement that would go good in there and I think I should paint the walls. Then I look at the ceiling and decide if I am going to paint the walls , the ceiling is going to need painted too. But that is still not the end!! Then I think, “I really want to strip the paint off of the woodwork and the window frames to see if the wood is good. And I really need to sand down the wood floor and touch up the finish.” Then I have to stop long enough to go to Lowes for ceiling paint and wood stripper and all the assorted supplies that go with the project. OH DR PHIL! HELP!!!!! And here’s the kicker!!! By the time I get home with all the stuff I need, it”s really too late to start such a big project so I decide I should just go back to cleaning the house!!!!!! I blame Shelley for this. She should never have put those swags in the garage sale!!!!!! Blameshifting started in the garden of Eden( It wasn’t me-it was that chick you gave me! Don’t blame me-it was the snake!)

It wouldn’t be so bad if this were an isolated incident but this is the STORY OF MY LIFE! I decide to clean in the bedroom and think, “I should go through the clothes in the closet and get rid of the ones that don’t fit.” So I start to pull all the clothes out of the closet and then decide I should go through the shoes and purses. So then I decide I want to switch the purse I am using with one of these, so I get my purse and switch all the stuff and then I have to sort out the junk in my purse and then I decide I should get back to the closet. But I can’t get rid of that cool shirt because about twenty pounds from now I will fit back in it and I think if the bed were on the other wall, it would look better and I guess you get the picture!!!!!

I didn’t realize that my OCD was so closely tied to ADD. No wonder I start so many projects that never get finished. I guess it’s just my way of trying to control SOMETHING in my life. I mean, let’s face it. Most of our lives are basically OUT OF CONTROL. Things happen that are totally unexpected!! This is tough to take if you have any form of OCD. Fortunately, I have dogs to keep me grounded in reality (or some semblance of reality)! They look at me when I start this cycle of insanity as if to say’, “My God! What are you doing!! We could all be sitting on the sofa with a movie and some popcorn!!! The house is PERFECT just the way it is!!!” So what should we watch- a comedy, some action, a chick flick? Whoa!!! I really need to sort out those DVDs and get them organized. But by actor or by genre or maybe alphabetically?????

I can’t imagine my life without a dog in it. When I was a child, we were not allowed to have pets in the house. My Mother did not like them or allow them in the house. When I was married the first time, my ex husband did not want the responsibility of a dog. He always promised our youngest daughter that she could have a dog when we finally had a house and he was hopping mad when I made him keep that promise for Samantha’s eighth birthday!!!

Then after my second divorce, my son-in-law got me a puppy for Valentine’s Day. That was my “Angel” and she has been with me for eight years now. When my daughter and son-in-law picked up Angel for me, they ended up getting her brother, Wishbone. Now he lives with Angel and me. As I write this, Wishbone is curled up at my feet and Angel is laying behind my chair.

Dogs bring so much joy to my life (cleaning up poop in the yard, barf on the carpet–O.K. it’s not all fun and games!!!). I don’t understand people who don’t have dogs or want them! They really don’t know what they are missing! People with pets are generally in better health, they have lower blood pressure (unless they have a Jack Russell Terrier-see Set Up To Fail) and they have a purpose.

Dogs accept you just the way you are with all your warts, blemishes, and faults. They don’t care if your hair is standing straight up in the morning (I’m pretty sure mine is caused by sleeping on the top of my head although I haven’t figured out how I manage to get in that position), they don’t care if you look scary without your makeup (who needs a Halloween mask) , they don’t care if you are twenty pounds overweight (they will snack with you anytime), they still love you when you are grumpy, and they don’t care how “successful” you are!!!

If you have ever wanted to know how it feels to be a “movie star”, get yourself a dog. Because every time you come home, you will be treated as if you were one. Wishbone is on the sofa with his front paws up on the arm by the door and it is not just his tail wagging-his WHOLE BODY wags! Angel is right there at the door and her tail and hindquarters are wagging (it”s a little harder for her; she has more to wag than Wishbone). They greet you with an enthusiasm that is hard to match. (Hence, the reason I have dogs and NOT a husband!) Wishbone gets so excited he cannot contain himself and he barks, talks, and sings to me (Thank God he doesn’t pee when he’s excited!!). And here’s the AMAZING part-it doesn’t matter if you have been gone five minutes or five hours or five days–the greeting is the same!!!! I know what it feels like to be Julia Roberts!!

If you can own a dog and still suffer from an extremely low self esteem; PLEASE call Dr. Phil!! You have SERIOUS issues!! To your dog you are the most important person on the planet!! You are the most beautiful creature ever created; you are incredibly intelligent and every word that is uttered from your mouth is profound!! Your very presence brings great joy (Oh keeper of the treats!). So move over Julia Roberts!! Roll out the red carpet—I’m home!!

I have been single for over nine years and on my own. I have learned that I am capable of doing tasks that I always thought were “mens” jobs. So when I bought my house, I was confident in my ability to handle home repairs and small remodeling projects. I bought some “How To” books with plumbing, electrical, and remodeling instructions (step by step with photos). Now I just needed some tools and I would be set.

Now I was surprised to learn that people “stereotype” single women with tools. Even my “gay entourage”! (my son loves power tools and always says that he is a lesbian trapped in a gay man’s body!!!) I admit that I am more comfortable in a pair of jeans than a skirt, and I LIKE comfortable shoes; but does shopping for tools determine a person’s sexual orientation? It’s true that after my two divorces I was somewhat disillusioned with men and I thought that maybe being a lesbian was the way to go (I was convinced that every woman needs a wife; some one who cooks, cleans, does laundry, shops for groceries, and LISTENS when you have something to say!) but I never gave any serious thought to the notion. I vaguely remember that I did find one thing that men were good for (well some of them anyway)!

But I always teased my sister by telling her I needed to find a tool belt. (It is a handy way to ensure that the tools you need are at hand.) Imagine my surprise when I went to the neighborhood garage sale in Columbus in my son’s neighborhood and found the tool belt of my dreams. Gray, suede, enough slots for all the necessary tool items, and a flashlight was included for the bargain price of $2.00!!!!! I don’t think that it helps the stereotype that I bought my tool belt from a very nice lesbian couple who lived around the corner from my son. Now I am set to start my “projects”!

My house was built in 1930 and I decided to pull up the old carpet to see what kind of shape the wood floors were in. This is a job I know! My second ex-husband installs carpet and I have experience!!! I pull out the old carpet (wow, I forgot how much work is involved!) and find that the wood floors are nice but need a little sanding and refinishing. I decided I need to get a belt sander so I put this on my Christmas wish list. Now I should tell you that my sister is totally opposed to getting me this item. For some strange reason, she seems to think I will hurt myself with power tools!! I will admit that I am not the most “graceful” person and I have had some mishaps but she is totally overreacting!!!! She has even gone so far as to tell my son that he cannot keep his power tools in my basement where I have access to them (older sisters can be so “controlling”)!!!

I’m sure that her reaction has nothing to do with me cutting my hand with a kitchen knife when I was trying to cut a watermelon!!! (Thus the reason I am not allowed to cut the tomatoes when we can tomato juice. See Empty Jars and Paybacks.)That is a totally different thing! Watermelon rind is tough to cut through and my kitchen knives are not sharp enough!!!! I love watermelon and am not ready to give it up, so my sister and I go shopping. I think I need to look for a better knife!!! We decide to check out Big Lots and are browsing when I find the perfect solution!!! There is a saw on clearance and I’m sure that baby will make short work of a watermelon rind!!!!

I tell my sister my “revelation” and she is not enthused about my idea. She seems to think I will cut through my watermelon, and countertop, and possibly chop off my hand!!! She really does have a VIVID imagination!!!!! She not only forbids me to buy my “watermelon” saw but she tells me I cannot go shopping in Big Lots BY MYSELF because I can”t be trusted around power tools!!!!! Now she has gone too far. I assure her that I will go to Big Lots without her and I will buy my saw if I want to!!! So she brings out her big guns and threatens to call my son. (Now this is the son I am counting on to take care of me in my old age. This is the son who will take away my car keys when I am no longer able to drive safely.) This is certainly an abuse of power on her part!!!! But what can I do? I agree not to buy the saw.

I know that my sister thinks she has won but I did get a belt sander for Christmas!! She may have won the battle but I WILL win the war!!!!!! I need to go cut my watermelon now. I’m sure my son’s circular saw in the basement will do the job with ease!!!!!!!

So tomorrow is Monday and back to work. I spent another Sunday cleaning prints off the mirrored closet doors in the bedroom about a foot from the ground. Did you ever wonder what your dog is doing all day while you work?? (O.K.-too much time on my hands!)

I know their routine on the weekends when I’m home with them. Get up, go out, have a treat because we went out, eat breakfast, alternate napping on the sofa, the bed, and the floor, go out again, have another treat because we went out again! Angel watches out the window in the bedroom from her prone position on the bed and she will bark loudly if any person or animal is in view within a twelve foot perimeter of “her” area. If she sounds serious, Wishbone will jump up and come to her aid with a volley of barks!! (It’s good to know someone has your back!!) So it is obvious that they are “on the job” seven days a week as “security”!! Or are they? I started to wonder, “Do they really guard the house like this when I am at work or are they just working weekends because the BOSS is watching”? This would not be the first dog we have owned who tried to fool me into believing he was a watchdog. My daughter had a dog when she was a little girl who barked at the door when someone came in (at least he did when we were home.) But when we came home he would peek around from behind something to see who was coming in and THEN would start to bark when he saw that it was us!!! (Yeah! I’m guarding the house!!! Whew! I’m glad that’s not a burglar!!!!)

So what are they really up to while I am at work and what are those noseprints all about?? Are they having other dogs over for wild parties?? Are they making out with their own reflections??? Are they wondering if Timmy fell in the well again???? I’m pretty sure I have figured out where those noseprints are coming from.

Angel is a little (o.k. more than a little) overweight. She has been called (by her vet mind you) a cylinder. Now don’t get me wrong, I am beginning to develop a bit of a “cylinder” around my middle. But I (unlike Angel) am bothered by it. She is not in the least upset about being a cylinder. THAT IS THE LOOK SHE WAS GOING FOR!!!!! So I know that she is admiring herself in that mirror everyday! She is prancing and turning and looking over her shoulder to check out her backside and she is saying to Wishbone, “Does this fur coat make my butt look big?” Wishbone,on the other hand, is so hyper that he burns his calories off. But I know that he is looking in the mirror and admiring his muscular physique. He is posturing like a bodybuilder and saying to Angel, “Check out my pecs and my six pack!” And that is where the noseprints on the mirrors are coming from!! I’m sure I am not the ONLY person not there with vain dogs.!!!!

Sometimes, I wish I could be a little more like my dogs. They don’t struggle with their self image, they don’t compare themselves unfavorably to other dogs, they don’t wonder what their purpose in life is, they aren’t embarrassed when they miss the bed on the first jump, and they certainly don’t worry about how they look (except when my daughter buys them some silly jacket or Santa hat and takes their picture in it)!!!

Maybe we could all take a few lessons from our dogs in letting go of life’s worries and frustrations and just learn to enjoy the simple pleasures in life; a warm breeze, a peaceful nap, a good meal, a loving pat on the head, or a good belly rub!!! Dogs instinctively know that life is too short to be taken so seriously!!!!

My sister (OCD #1) told me that we needed to get tomatoes and can some tomato juice last Saturday. I will be the first to admit that our home canned juice has a much better flavor than store bought but the process really intensifies my OCD.

We had decided that we would not pick up Mom (she who must complain) to help us. We wouldn’t tell her that we were doing the tomato juice. My sister borrowed my Aunt’s canning pressure cooker and had my brother-in-law bring the canning supplies up from the basement. Big mistake!!! When my Mother was at my sister’s house on Thursday to stay with my Granny while my sister was at work, she saw all the canning supplies. She told my sister that we would need her to take care of Granny while we worked and to help us. This was not part of the plan!!!!! But of course my sister’s overly active guilt response kicked into high gear. So she tells Mom that she will let her know on Saturday morning if we need her help.

My sister(Miss I’m guilty) convinces herself that Mom (Miss nothing will ever please me) will be hurt if we don’t include her. So bright and early (not before nine o’clock so Mom doesn’t have to get up too early) I’m on my way to pick up Mom and start the canning process. Don’t get me wrong. I was up early to help my neighbor get her garage sale ready to open. (Sleep is highly overrated.) I get to Mom’s apartment to pick her up and she says’ “I guess I’m put together. Linda said last night you didn’t need me so I didn’t get up and get moving.” The words of someone who will be hurt if we don’t include her!

When we get to my sister’s (she who must try to do everything without any help), she has tomatoes already cooking and ready to be mashed. The tomato mashing is my job. It’s the only job I’m allowed to do. I can’t cut the tomatoes because I can be scary with a knife (we will return to this subject at a later time). Mom and my sister cut the tomatoes and stir them while they are cooking. I am not allowed to carry the boiling tomatoes to the table where the mashing will take place because of my reputation for being a bit clumsy(See Tuck and Roll).

I begin my job of mashing tomatoes to extract the juice. But my OCD will not let me just extract the juice and throw away the pulp. I must mash every bit of moisture from the tomatoes. When I am done there is very little pulp left, just some skin and a few seeds. I will find a way some day to liquidize that skin!!!!! Oops! My OCD is showing. I decide that turning that handle to mash the tomatoes is going to be a good workout for my flabby upper arms and then I realize that only one arm is getting a workout! So now the only exercise I’m getting is going to leave me looking lopsided!! So I put everything into it and go for a full body workout. I add some waist and leg action as everyone laughs at me(as usual).

Now my niece (who owes me a kidney) stops by and visits with us for a while. Her husband calls her to see if she is coming home soon and she says to him, “I am on my way. I was just visiting with the “OLD CRONES”!! Now I take offense to that kind of language. I for one am not nor will I ever be “AN OLD CRONE”!!! I remind her that she is just two years away from 40 and I intend to remember that comment and there will be a payback on her 40th birthday!!!! I let her know that the 40’s are middle-aged and that she is almost there. She doesn’t like to hear this but discipline is never fun! (I don’t think she is worried since I forget what I was going to the basement for by the time I get down the stairs.) But we “old crones” do remember for years the things that require payback of some kind!!! Wait until your birthday in two years, Shelley!!!!!!!!

So we finish canning two and a half bushels of tomatoes and have 41 quarts of tomato juice, more than enough to get us through the winter until next canning season. But my OCD is not satisfied because there is a countertop full of empty jars. I tell my sister that we need to get another two and a half bushels to can to fill those empty jars. She thinks I am insane (I’m sure she will have me committed one day). How can she not understand–You can’t put those jars back in the basement EMPTY!!!!! No one shares my pain at those empty jars and they are adamant that we are not canning more tomato juice. Somehow I must fill those empty jars! They are calling to me from my sister’s basement. How can she sleep with those jars making so much noise!!!!! I know! I will buy green beans from the farmer’s market. We will can fresh green beans to fill those jars.!! My nephew, Kevin will surely come for dinner if I open a jar of fresh green beans for him instead of a store boughten can!!!!!! PERFECT!

I spent a wonderful week visiting with my daughter and (soon to be) son-in-law. He is a great guy and a southern gentlemen. I know he was nervous about meeting me and the rest of the family. He worries about peoples’ reaction to his tattoos but in retrospect, I think we should have been worried that he would run screaming from the building from our brand of “weirdness”!

Think about it. Every family has some dysfunction to it, some weirdness that you become oblivious to. But how would your family look to a newcomer??? How about if the newcomer’s job was as an assistant Army chaplain??

They arrive on Saturday and get out of the car. I am about to meet the man of my daughter’s dreams!! He’s a little nervous; I’m a little nervous. Very nice looking young man (picture Kenny Chesney+tattoos-the cowboy hat with the Tennessee accent). He is polite (I don’t think I have ever been called ma’am so many times in my life) and very attentive to my daughter. I like him immediately and he relaxes when he realizes, I don’t care about his tattoos. Before you know it we are talking away like new friends just getting to know each other. I don’t think my OCD or the fact that I treat my dogs like my babies has scared him away. So far, so good!!!

On Monday, he weathers meeting my sister, brother-in-law, and my nephew. They are on their company (don’t scare Angela’s boyfriend) best behavior so we have no problems there!! In retrospect, if he isn’t scared by Angela (she was my wild thing when she was a teenager) I think we are safe!!!

Tuesday we go to Columbus to meet my son and his friends (my gay entourage) and this could be scary. We have lunch with my son and one of his friends and my son has to leave for a meeting with a client. His friend/employee is going to show us around some of the shops (he is getting paid for this shopping duty!) My daughter and I go into an “adult” shop advertising adult toys, DVDS, etc. Her fiance and my son’s friend wait outside. My daughter finds some lingerie and we leave to stroll to the next shop. Anthony, her fiance is incredulous as he says’ “I can’t believe you went in there with your mother!” The next store is an S and M shop and the guys come in long enough to wonder how you get into the leather pants if you are sweating. It is always an “educational experience” for me to shop with my children!!

My son returns from his meeting and we go to a mall and a comic book shop (Anthony is interested in the Graphic Novels). We head out to meet up with five more of my son, Julian’s friends for dinner. I know that Anthony is a bit uncomfortable and I am a bit worried. I love my gay entourage. They make me laugh and it is so much fun to go out with them but they do tend to say whatever pops into their heads. They refer to themselves as the “homo horde”! Did I mention that Anthony is an assistant chaplain? Yes, but did I mention that my gay entourage are pagan????? I didn’t think so!!

My boys (I have adopted all of my gay boys) were very kind and put Anthony at ease right away. Angela is always at ease and confident so I never have to worry about her. They all compared tattoos and swapped military stories. We joked and laughed and had a wonderful time. I realized that I had been worried for nothing because my boys are loving and accepting of people (except stupid people)! To my delight, Anthony is very accepting too.

I can’t remember when I have had as much fun or laughed so hard. The consensus among my boys was that Angela is FABULOUS and that Anthony is HOT!!!!

Anthony survived and didn’t call off the wedding!!!! I assured him that meeting the rest of the family; Angela’s sister and her boyfriend and her Dad would be a breeze! (O.K. maybe not her Dad. I have doubts but Angela assures me that he has mellowed with age! Maybe he has, but I’m not convinced! All I can say is, “Good Luck!”)

A couple of weeks ago, my sister calls to tell me that we are getting together at her house on Saturday to play cards. I am sure you are wondering how she could have known I would be free with such short notice. When you are single, everyone just assumes that you have no life!! O.K. It wasn’t that difficult to fit in to my “busy” schedule even as I protest that I have to check my calendar to see if I’m available.

My family plays a card game called “shanghai rum” and it has been passed down from generation to generation. I can remember how we begged as children to be allowed to play only to be told we had to wait until we were old enough (and no one could ever give you the magic number that was “old enough”)! And I remember telling my kids the same thing when they begged to play. So it is a BIG DEAL in my family. It is not just a card game; it is a rite of passage into adulthood!

Now to tell you the truth, I think my kids and my sister’s kids are a lot more competitive in this card game than we ever were. This game is SERIOUS business. They can be ruthless if you take one of the cards they need to make their hand. Not that my sister, brother-in-law, ex husband and I didn’t compete to win but it was just a game!! Wait a minute-I seem to remember my brother-in-law getting out his baseball bat and threatening the next person who took his card. O.K. maybe the game has always been serious business.

This game has ten hands and each hand requires one more card played out in sets and runs and when you have six to nine people in the game, one game can run all night. Everyone is talking smack especially my nephews who are actually great friends. You wouldn’t believe it to hear them in a game though! The insults fly fast but it is all in fun. We laugh so hard we almost cry but that is just at my sister’s card shuffling abilities. Let’s just say, a career as a dealer in Las Vegas is probably NOT in her future. It can get really wild!!!! Fortunately the police have never been dispatched to break things up-yet!

Everyone has a great time(mostly whomever is winning and it better be me) except for my brother-in-law. He hates this game and is flabbergasted that there are other people in the world who know and play this game. He seems to think we are making up the rules as we go along and they are designed to make sure he doesn’t win. But he is a good sport and plays along with a minimum of card throwing. I am sure he is relieved though when the game is over and we can get down to some serious card playing (euchre). You have to understand. Euchre was his family’s rite of passage into adulthood and he loves to play that game!