I have been single for over nine years and on my own. I have learned that I am capable of doing tasks that I always thought were “mens” jobs. So when I bought my house, I was confident in my ability to handle home repairs and small remodeling projects. I bought some “How To” books with plumbing, electrical, and remodeling instructions (step by step with photos). Now I just needed some tools and I would be set.

Now I was surprised to learn that people “stereotype” single women with tools. Even my “gay entourage”! (my son loves power tools and always says that he is a lesbian trapped in a gay man’s body!!!) I admit that I am more comfortable in a pair of jeans than a skirt, and I LIKE comfortable shoes; but does shopping for tools determine a person’s sexual orientation? It’s true that after my two divorces I was somewhat disillusioned with men and I thought that maybe being a lesbian was the way to go (I was convinced that every woman needs a wife; some one who cooks, cleans, does laundry, shops for groceries, and LISTENS when you have something to say!) but I never gave any serious thought to the notion. I vaguely remember that I did find one thing that men were good for (well some of them anyway)!

But I always teased my sister by telling her I needed to find a tool belt. (It is a handy way to ensure that the tools you need are at hand.) Imagine my surprise when I went to the neighborhood garage sale in Columbus in my son’s neighborhood and found the tool belt of my dreams. Gray, suede, enough slots for all the necessary tool items, and a flashlight was included for the bargain price of $2.00!!!!! I don’t think that it helps the stereotype that I bought my tool belt from a very nice lesbian couple who lived around the corner from my son. Now I am set to start my “projects”!

My house was built in 1930 and I decided to pull up the old carpet to see what kind of shape the wood floors were in. This is a job I know! My second ex-husband installs carpet and I have experience!!! I pull out the old carpet (wow, I forgot how much work is involved!) and find that the wood floors are nice but need a little sanding and refinishing. I decided I need to get a belt sander so I put this on my Christmas wish list. Now I should tell you that my sister is totally opposed to getting me this item. For some strange reason, she seems to think I will hurt myself with power tools!! I will admit that I am not the most “graceful” person and I have had some mishaps but she is totally overreacting!!!! She has even gone so far as to tell my son that he cannot keep his power tools in my basement where I have access to them (older sisters can be so “controlling”)!!!

I’m sure that her reaction has nothing to do with me cutting my hand with a kitchen knife when I was trying to cut a watermelon!!! (Thus the reason I am not allowed to cut the tomatoes when we can tomato juice. See Empty Jars and Paybacks.)That is a totally different thing! Watermelon rind is tough to cut through and my kitchen knives are not sharp enough!!!! I love watermelon and am not ready to give it up, so my sister and I go shopping. I think I need to look for a better knife!!! We decide to check out Big Lots and are browsing when I find the perfect solution!!! There is a saw on clearance and I’m sure that baby will make short work of a watermelon rind!!!!

I tell my sister my “revelation” and she is not enthused about my idea. She seems to think I will cut through my watermelon, and countertop, and possibly chop off my hand!!! She really does have a VIVID imagination!!!!! She not only forbids me to buy my “watermelon” saw but she tells me I cannot go shopping in Big Lots BY MYSELF because I can”t be trusted around power tools!!!!! Now she has gone too far. I assure her that I will go to Big Lots without her and I will buy my saw if I want to!!! So she brings out her big guns and threatens to call my son. (Now this is the son I am counting on to take care of me in my old age. This is the son who will take away my car keys when I am no longer able to drive safely.) This is certainly an abuse of power on her part!!!! But what can I do? I agree not to buy the saw.

I know that my sister thinks she has won but I did get a belt sander for Christmas!! She may have won the battle but I WILL win the war!!!!!! I need to go cut my watermelon now. I’m sure my son’s circular saw in the basement will do the job with ease!!!!!!!